Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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