hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
