We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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