Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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