So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
