Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
