have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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