No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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