he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
