whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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