Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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