Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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