Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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