I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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