I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
