Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
