Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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