The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We need to rekindle our bromance
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
