You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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