I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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