people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
