Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
