I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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