My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
