The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
