you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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