She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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