I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
