my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
