He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
