This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
