She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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