Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
