I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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