i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
