Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
