You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
