I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
