Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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