my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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