dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
