A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
