dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
