I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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