Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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