i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
