You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
