i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Green mimosas i think yes
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
