I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
