the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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