You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
