I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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